i shall not try to milk snippets of bad poetry out of my melancholy in this entry. i was mentally prepared for the outcome but i wasn't emotionally prepared at all. when reality finally sank in i just lost control of my tears. i cried for a long, long time; and there were times in between when i thought that i had finally calmed down. and then when i tried to speak so that i could tell the other classmates (who were all offering me tissue papers and putting their arms around me) that i was really alright, i lost control and started crying all over again. and the cycle would then repeat itself for countless of times. i'm sorry for being such a crybaby. in fact i cried so much that the both of you had to console me instead. i wanted to hug the both of you for so much longer, but i know that other people wanted to hug you too, so i had no choice but to release. zx, you're such a darling. i remember that you said to me, "don't cry." but your words just made me cry even more. i'm sorry that there isn't anything i could do for you. i couldn't even comfort you with words, because whenever i thought about everything that has happened, my words just became drowned in tears. and jasgay, i'm going to miss you as well. in fact i'm going to miss you a lot. without you, the lep executive committee is going to be even more incomplete than it already is. the both of you are very dear friends to me. with the both of you absent from S5C, i don't think i'm going to like the class as much anymore. S5C is incomplete without any one of us, especially the both of you :(
zx, when i took the bus home just now, i broke down and cried again. because with my bag placed on my lap, i couldn't help but notice the white shoelace which is tied around one of the straps. it reminded me of you. all of the six of us (chee, wx, hsiang, huay as well as the both of us) has a white shoelace each, all tied onto our bags in the same unique pattern (ok, perhaps it isn't exactly unique, but to me it is). i'll still leave it tied onto my bag next year. and do you remember that chee, you and i all bought new pencil cases with similar designs, not too long ago? i had wished that we could still be classmates next year, so that we could all bring these pencil cases to class together. it would have been so cool. do you remember how we have always passed notes around during lectures and tutorials, how we have skipped lessons together and how we've always fooled around in macdonald's, talking nonsense and gossipping and whiling our time away? together with chee, we've always been known as The Three Slackers lol.
jasgay, although we don't have anything in common to 'symbolise' our friendship - or so to speak - you're still an invaluable friend to me. i didnt cry initially, when madam loke was talking to us while you and zx went to look for mr. jonathan ng; but when madam loke was gone i just lost control and burst into tears. as i saw you heading towards me from the opposite direction while i was heading towards the general office to look for you and zx, i just felt even worse; and when you spoke first to ask me, "why (are you crying)?" i just couldn't take it anymore so i hugged you and cried even harder. and when you told me that everything is alright, and told me not to cry, i felt so guilty that you had to console me instead :( i remember that you love adding lots of chilli to your pasta, and that you said to me before that we should not be sorry about telling the truth (because i loved saying, "sorry to say, but the truth is that _____."); i remember gossipping many nights away with you on msn, and i remember how crazy you are over anime and final fantasy.
the both of you are very strong girls, and i admire you for that. i didn't realise that i'm such a crybaby until today. it takes quite a lot to make me cry. i hope that neither of you was irritated with me for crying so much (although chee was first to break down, she still managed to control her tears after some time; but for me i just kept on crying at different intervals) :] -hug-
i wish the both of you all the best for whatever you may choose to do in both the near and distant future, and i hope that we'll still remain as very, very good friends. -hug- i love you both.
6:47 PM - and Time will say nothing but 'I told you so'. Check out Chinese version of my bleeding voice [here].
